by Nell Beck
[originally published spring 2020]
You introduced yourself as a “Creative.”
You asked your interviewer if they had any fun plans for the weekend?
You forgot to take down the neon pink dildo tacked to the wall directly behind you.
You forgot to cover up your stick-and-poke of a cowboy boot filled with french fries.
You called your interviewer “Mom.”
You got bored and started checking Instagram.
Oh no! Your shirt was inside out! And your interviewer said, “Your shirt is inside out” and you immediately took off your shirt and put it on the right way.
A cool bird landed on the tree outside of your window and you got excited and picked up your laptop to show your interviewer, but they couldn’t really see it because they were Skyping you from New York and you were trying to point the computer camera out your window at a leafy tree where a small red bird was sitting.
You said, “No, you hang up first!” but then realized that that’s not an appropriate way to end a Skype interview and also they didn’t ask you to hang up in the first place.