By Dr. Hugh G. Rection
The Grape In-House Clinician
Recently at the Grape, Oberlin College’s alternative student newspaper, there has been a growing movement to include “hole” in the Grape centerfold. Traditionally used to showcase nude photos of student groups, it has only ever been half naked; no dick, no balls, no vaj, and certainly no butthole. Until recently, this has been shocking enough; it takes unsuspecting readers by surprise and gives everyone a good laugh. For some, though, the abrupt boob shot in the middle of the paper is no longer satisfactory; they say it has lost its shock value. Holevocates (hole advocates) have been hankering to see those puckered flowers. “We want more! We want to see your hole!” they preach. But should we really be showing such intimate details of our anatomy on such a public forum? Are we even allowed to?
Ben Dover, the man spearheading the Hole in The Grape movement, advocates for the universal relatability of hole. In a recent statement, he wrote:
“People have to wake up and realize that hole is the ultimate tool for the democratization of the body. Not everyone has dick, or boob, or vaj - but everyone, EVERYONE, has a stinky little hole. By showing hole in the Grape centerfold, everybody flipping through it can see themselves represented and think: ‘that person’s hole is bold and beautiful, and so is mine.’”
It’s a beautiful sentiment, but it doesn't negate the social implications of revealing your rosebud in the school paper, let alone the legality of spreading what some might consider pornographic content around campus. While we all may dream of a world where we can show our holes with pride, that is but a dream. But maybe, just maybe, with enough work and dedication, we can build a world where every Grape centerfold is a magnificent panorama of stink stars.