by Jamie Spears
[originally published June 2021]
Imagine waking up one morning and finding out the world hates you. Not so fun ain't it? Well that’s been my life for the past few months. Why? All because I love my precious little baby girl sweet darlin angel honey buns Britney. Is that a crime?????
I’m not such a bad guy you see! I’m a man that enjoys the simple pleasures life has to offer. I love fishing with my friends, poker nights every Thursday, and I love having complete control over my daughter’s estate. So I may not be a perfect father. I missed some dance recitals here and there, maybe didn’t say “I love you” enough, but what I did do was love my daughters (and, well, force one of them to never have children again). It is hard enough to try to be the perfect husband, and even harder to be the perfect father, especially when your daughter has a lot of money and you want all of it.
All these lamestream news media bozos and haters never ask me how I’m holding up in this whole mess. All they want to know is, “hey why does Britney have sunglasses on in this IGTV? Is it because she blinked HELP ME MY DAD IS HOLDING ME HOSTAGE in morse code in the last video?” Ridiculous! It’s like, what, you guys want her to never blink?? I mean I could force her to undergo lid removal surgery, which she does want according to these papers I signed for her, but that would be too much... unless you guys don’t think so….
Before I leave you guys with some last remarks, I just wanted to say a big thank you to The Grape staff for letting this man share his side of the story. I mean I told CNN I would do some things I would be very ashamed of for just one interview. Just one. And they said that’s not how journalism works. As Britney would say, that's pretty hostile. I mean, deadly. Shit, what are the words, with the taste of your lips o0ooOOooo aaaaAgah don’t you know that you’re bad for my health sexy lil boy. It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters. We should all just forget about this tiny very small thing and go on with our lives. Or other people’s lives that you control. Just sayin.