by Kayla Kim
[originally published winter 2022]
Talking
Lounge Talkers
People talking at 1am outside the lounge: Would it kill you to move to a space where people aren’t trying to do their homework or sleep? Or at the bare minimum, can you just talk at a normal volume level?
Library ScreamersPeople talking on the fourth floor in the library: I can’t believe you got into college when you’re not smart enough to know the basic rules of a LIBRARY. No one wants to hear about your weekend. We don’t care. Especially the white people in the Asia House library at like 12 in the morning: that’s a double homicide.
Most of These White Guys/White Guys/White Guys in CAST classes/The RepeaterThe white guy in my class who said my answer a little louder and got the credit.
The ___
These are the people who don’t pick up their orders at the rat in time so they just keep piling up: Look I understand that the hallway smells like must whenever it rains and that there are 901359013 people walking through. But would it kill you to check once every 5 or 10 minutes to see if your burnt burger and soggy fries are ready?
The Bastards Who Have Me In The Palm of Their Hands
The people at google who make the doodle google games. I’m glad they’re creating art and being successful. But they are all doing their jobs too well. No one should have to spend 4 hours playing the Tokyo 2020 doodle game or cry at 2 in the morning because they can’t cut the pizza correctly in the pizza day game.
Digication: One word: why.
The Blackboard notifications whenever I submit an assignment 5 minutes late. I
The Pomodoro Timer
I’m actually writing this article during one of my pomodoro breaks. This makes me hold a vendetta against every tomato to exist ever.
Nasty Little Perverts
The couple lying on top of each other making out while I leave my room to refill my brita filter: yes this might be a conversation that I don’t have to write in the school’s newspaper. But then again: should I REALLY have to talk about people doing this?
Sneaky Pissers
People who leave empty bottles in the conservatory practice room. You might as well be pissing in those bottles if they’re all over the place.
Moneybags Mcgoo
Rich white obies who pretend to be poor. We all know you’re going to inherit a second house in Martha's vineyard so stop with the act please :)