THE BACK BURNER

by Isabel Hardwig

Bad Habits Editor

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THINGS THAT CAN BE PUT ON THE BACK BURNER

• Some soups

• Kettles, unused

• Almost all app ideas

• Kettles, in use while all other burners are taken

• Desire to hear the song “Mad World” by Tears for Fears

• Various credit card replacements

• Pasta water

• Getting your fishing permit

• Buying more shampoo while still in “dilution phase” of current shampoo

• Rabies sitch

• Skillet slightly too heavy to bother putting up

• Two marshmallow Peeps with toothpicks so it’s like they’re jousting

THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE PUT ON THE BACK BURNER

• Very involved chili

• Hand

• Determining if ghost in house is nice or scary

• The band The Killers, who explicitly asked you not to

• Class action lawsuit you forgot you were a part of

• Birth certificate

• Copy of birth certificate you had made for if you left the first one on the back burner

• Determining if scary ghost in house can be appeased by scrambled eggs

• FUCK

• The scrambled eggs you were making for your scary ghost

• Kindling

• Climate change ☹

• Pet ice cube

• Situations