by Juli Freedman
Bad Habits Editor
art by Eva Sturm-Gross
[originally published August 2021]
In light of the surge in Delta Variant cases, we sent resident girl detective Juli Freedman to get the scoop on Oberlin Campus’ new group Students for vAccine USe And GrEatness (SAUSAGE) and learn all about why it is more important than ever to be vaccinated on campus.
Juli Freedman: Hello Guys! Can you introduce yourself and tell the people a little bit about SAUSAGE and why you started it.
Mickey Coats: Hey! My name is Mickey Coats, I am a second-year biology major. I wanted to start SAUSAGE because I was hearing some rumors around campus about vaccine truthers and conspiracy theories and I thought that a resource center where students and faculty could receive reliable information and rides to vaccine clinics would really boost community welfare. So I called up my best friend Donny and thought he would be down to start it with me.
Donny Goose: And I’m Donny Goose, and I’m a big teacher lover.
MC: See Donny is probably the biggest teacher lover I’ve ever met, so I just needed him on the team
DG: Oh I love teacher
JF: I’m a little confused
MC: Oh well Donny here see he doesn’t go to school here
DG: Nope
MC: But he loves teacher
JF: But how does that fit in with the work with SAUSAGE?
MC: Oooooh, I see what you mean. Well Donny here, he will do anything to make sure teacher is okay.
DG: If teacher gets sick I will be crushed.
MC: We didn’t intend to talk about it. It’s a sore spot for Donny.
JF: Oh, I’m sorry it’s just you brought it up.
DG: IF TEACHER GETS SICK I WILL BUY A GUN!
JF: Oh my god
MC; Down boy!
DG: I just love teacher so much. Starts to wimper
MC: I know, you're a good boy. Do you want your fruit gummies? I have some welchs in the treat bag.
DG: Yes daddy.
MC: We are gonna go but please get vaccinated!
DG: Especially teacher!
MC: Yes, especially teacher.