by Zoe Jasper
[originally posted fall 2020]
Listen up hoomans! After four long years the nightmare is finally over! President Trump, or should I say.. President Cheeto was the worst president in the history of our great country, but his worst offense? He didn’t have a four legged friend! Finally, Joe Biden is Making America Furry Again! Major and Champ Biden are two of the biggest, floofiest, goodest boys we have ever seen. Plus, they are German Shepherds and one of them is adopted; now that’s what I call an intersectionality win!
If there’s one thing that can heal this divided country from corruption, police brutality, and Miss Corona herself, it’s a cute chonkster with a boopable nose. And if President Elect Biden can care for those big ole pupperinos, I’m pretty sure he can end white supremacy and maybe not frack that much. Covfefe? No thanks, Drumpf, how about some kibble? Person, woman, man, camera, TV? More like bork, bork, bork, bork, bork! Yes, half of all white people may have voted for Tr*mp, but 10000% of all Americans would surely vote for the first doggo in office!
I am confident that somewhere in heaven, Notorious RBG, Chadwick Boseman, Alex Trebek, and John Lewis are watching over our country, saying “Look at those cute wittle puppers”. Or at least they are definitely saying that in an embroidery you can purchase at my Etsy shop for $79.99.