YOUR BLACKBOARD, WRAPPED



[originally published winter 2022]


 

You submitted 413 assignments this year!


Your most common feedback was:

  1. “Not the assignment”

  2. “See me”

  3. “Why did you do it like this”

  4. *just a link to the WikiHow page for “How to Do Long Division”*

  5. “Fine”


Your top vibes for this year were depressed and spilled spaghetti sauce on your keyboard


Test yourself! Which of these excuses for missed work did your professors accept?


  1. “Fallen and could not get up”

  2. “I’m from New York”

  3. “Wasn’t the Tuesday vibes”

  4. “Got the bends”


This year, you received 18 illegible class-wide emails from professors. Some highlights include


“disregard the asgmet”

“Please speak to the WGSS HOOT in order to FFRC in the AMMA before PPSD, due M. Very important!”

“meat –sent from iPhone”

“q,” “re: q” and “re: re: q”

“can someone please petsit my parakeet Andre this weekend i am going to MICHIGAN”


Your aura this year was piss yellow and red, like the spaghetti sauce you spilled literally ALL over your keyboard


Whoa, nelly! Your various grunts of discontent, frustration, and sadness fit into 103 genres this year!